Keystyle (No Sicker)
 

Yo, it don't get no sicker than this.
Slittin' yo wrists while I piss on you, bitch.
Got the madd keystyles comin' from my shit,
And when I pause for a second, my flow still don't miss.

I got the loudest voice up in the house.
If you step to me, I stomp you like a mouse.
Take your girl home with me, and take off her blouse,
Get her twat so hot only Bad Andy can douse.

I get so stoned I almost die, motherfucker.
Don't even think you've been that high, motherfucker.
You better not even try, motherfucker.
'Cause I don't want blame when you cry, motherfucker.

I spit a few lines at a time,
See what you think of mine,
Smoke some dimes,
And still I think of more rhymes.

Got the fastest fingers in town,
Ask any bitch I got to lay down.
They all love it when Andy's around,
He got that madd flow and that captivatin' sound.

This was basic.. I can tell your new to this.. Even thought you had some basic multis.. I find basic multis better than long one worded rhymes..Your progression was something to be questioned.. It wasn't an enjoyable read.. I found it more like a task.. Make it so its like enjoyable.. worth my while..

Pz

I really don't want any beef for my critique. I'm just giving an honest opinion. This piece, while I know it was a keystyle, just seemed real amateurish. The first verse I liked. It had some nice multies, but from there it just deteriorated into a bunch of bragadocious lines. While that style can be tight if it has nice wordplay in it, this piece was pretty basic. I don't mean to be too harsh, I know this is just a keystyle, but I have seen other keystyles that are a lot better. I think if you worked on your vocab and wordplay and a little on your structure, you could have some real nice drops in the future.

Glad to get honest opinions. Can't take anything away from "this sucks" or "this was pretty good". The more shit I hear to tell me what's wrong helps me get it right next time.

reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread or it gets deleted.
thanks.

it was tight to me u just a lil bit crazy i'm not sayin that in a bad way doe but hit mine up at lil freestyle by lyricallycrazy03

Didn't realize I hadta link every time.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95344
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96297
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96289