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-   -   Cinderella's Dead (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=96808)

Cinderella 12-05-03 09:59 PM

Cinderella's Dead
 
A girl I know wrote this, I think it's dope and wanted to share. It's called Cinderella's Dead.

Cinderella died today... and let me be honest, I care, even though I pretend I don't/

My feelings bleed through my seemingly tough skin and soak the ground/ weaving a river of denial that separates you and I/

I take out the tool-kit I keep inside my heart and try to build a bridge/ but your chainsaw of gut instict cuts it to pieces, and I watch the shards float down the river of my discontent/

You made an SOS sign out of sticks and stones/ It said "i Don't fEel the sAme way, Darling."/

Those sticks and stones didn't break my bones/ but I wish they would have killed me/ Death seemed so much better than facing you through red-rimmed eyes/

But the sun kept setting/ the people kept dying/ my eyes kept crying/but I kept going/

Be content with your painted-on faces/ the Beautiful Ones who can lie/ and abuse you/So let them/ you like it/

They found the body/ a gagged and bounded sunken treasure/ lying cold and broken at the bottom of that blood-red river/

Menik 12-05-03 10:17 PM

You Need To Leave 3 links Or 3 names of peoples you left feedback in or this will get closed/deleted..

But this was alright i thought....this is more of another poetic piece i think of yours or your friends...but the lines should be structured a bit better though, try to keep them the same length though....but this had some emotion in....overall this was alright...keep at it.

isane lyricist 12-05-03 10:59 PM

i think this was more of a poetic shit than a writting rhyme or key
but it was nice

Dev 12-06-03 07:11 AM

i agree poetic,,,but felt it....didnt like the way you leave gaps inbetween the bars though.....pZ


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