planetary euphoria vol. 1
 

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6308#post966308

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96853

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96862



hold down the fort this is ex-1 callin' ground support\
I think I found the port.....should I prepare for landing\
"hold up there's no oxyen in the air we're scanning\
no signs of life..........buildings barely standing\ "
well hurry up I'm about ta pass the spot\
I really don't wanna run outta gas and drop\
"okay begin decending and latch the top\
just try and ignore the gasps you hear\
as ya ship enters the planets atmosphere\ "
duckin' my head.... controls grasped in fear\
crashin sound as shards of steel float past my ear\
help me............. this ship is fallin' apart\
an engines out and it's stallin' the start\
OH SHIT I'm droppin' rapidly\
I get a parachute strapped ta me\
fallin fast dreams of shattered life passin me\
think wit' speed and think drastically\
hit eject or this vision's gonna be the last I see\
.......fire's blazin it's gettin' hot quick\
finally proppelled in the sky out the cock pit\
that was too close I barely escape\
but terror awaits...I'm out the ship but in a scarier place\
I'm lost on the surface then the barrier breaks\
and I'm sucked all the way down to the core\
screamin demons surrounded the door\
there musta been a thousand or more\
don't get me wrong I been pounded before\
.....but this could strangle ya wits\
should I use my brain or my fist \
to try and aid my escape from the midst\
I'd like ta break 'em ta bit's.....\
but the best plan is to try and run\
till I slipped up on some ice and spun\
now I'm worrying my life is done\
cause when I reached at the holster where I hide my gun\
I realize it fell out my pocket when the slide begun\
even attempting to fight is dumb\
reflectin on my childhood as if my time had come\
wishin they would shut their mouths and hide that tongue\
wait....suddenly the demons shift their eyes with big suprise\
they lookin fearfully in the skies\
...... as my reinforcement ship arrives\
My life is saved no time ta improvise\
so I quickly jump back ta my feet\
swiftly swingin' my fists attackin the fleet\
while my squadron surrounds blastin the heat\
the demons begin ta step back an retreat\
to vacant caves in the hills\
they'll have to return later and dig graves for our kills..............

i thought this was a good read and kept me hooked.
Structure i thought was the worse thing but the short lines did help create tension.
wordplay could be improved but was good in places.
vocab was pretty average, but you'll get better with time.
good drop though and even better if it was ur first 1.
overall good piece.

hit my rhyme
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96675

cheers

thanks for peepin and i did reply to yours upin for more and i will reply to anyone who replies to me

replied to

signifikant
ill expicit
insane lyrisist


Good topic
good imagery and story telling

ORIGINAL as hell, but i wrote somethin like that b4

its cool do................................

This was pretty good i thought....worth the read.....structure was ok, could have been better though, your lines seemed all over with the long ones and short ones, try keeping them around the same length though so it helps the flow....add more internals to this to make it flow better as well....but overall this was alright...keep at it.

there's 2-3 multi's on each bar man how many more could i really add?

yo i thought it was pretty good
i also like the bar structure but didnt like the italics
n e ways it was still a good keystyle

~1~

up

This was pretty good hommie. I like reading things that are diffrent. You have your own little style, which is good for persona... Had a clean flow, nice little rhyme scheme to it. Maybe work on voab a little more, but thats the only small problem... Nice drop hommie...

---> Return the favor and check the flow in my sig ( The Link )

OUT

-High Class a.k.a Confusion

kI think you removed the link i dont see one ill find the post though and drop a reply