Yo New In Here Feedback Please Title..god
 

YO YO AYO AYO
CHECKIT
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IM ABOUT TO SCORN THESE NIGGAS\
WIT LASHES OF LAVACOUS LITERATURE PICTURES\
LIKE THERE WAS A FAUCET FIXTURE\
CONNECTED TO MY MOUTH POURING OUT THESE VISCOUS LECTURES\
FROM EVERY SECTOR, OF MY BRAIN\
SEPARATED LIKE EACH GRAIN OF SAND ON A BEACH SUB-TERRAIN\
LIKE EACH STRAND OF HAIR ON A LOINS MANE\
EVERY ONE WIT A PURPOSE\
LIKE EVERY PORE ON THE SKINS SURFACE\
EECKING AND BREATHING LIFES AIR SURPLUS\
IT MAKES ME SICK THE WAY WE DEPEND ON THE SERVICE\
BLURTING THESE OBSURD VERSUS\
CURSES\
THE WAY GOD WILL DESTROY US\
MAC-10'S AND NINES\
KNIFES, BLUNTS, AND COKE LINES\
IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF HIS DIVINE, BEIGNINE WAY\
TO JUDGE ARE INERT WAYS\
PEDIFILES AND GAYS\
WILL BE DELT WITH IN OMINOUS HARSH ARRAYS\
YO WHAT ABOUT ME, IVE BEGAN MY DAMNATION SINCE THE YEAR OF 89'\
STARTED SPITTIN THESE RHYMES\
IN HOPE THAT IN TIME\
MY GLORY WILL BE BEYOND GODS SELF-DESTRUCTING MANKIND\
EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF, IS WHATS MY PRODIGY\
IN THE ROTTEN APPLE EVERY MAN IS CONSIDERED A GOD IN THEIR OWN ter-MAN-KNOLEDG-y\
DEMISING LIVES AS WE PLEASE\
PROPHECING ARE OWN DREAMS\
WIT THE ABILITY TO CRUSH SAPIENS WIT ARE C.R.E.A.M.\
DEMED FROM BIRTH TO RULE AS KINGS\
SOME TO BE WORRIORS LIKE IN NAS'S STREET DREAMS\
FROM THE MOMENT OUT OF THE WOMB WE BEGIN TO DIE\
SO WHY NOT NOW, IM GOD! HERES A NINE TO THE EYE\\




HARDCOROUS-MAXIMUS..AKA..GOD

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..

This was ok....structure in this was a bit better than some of your other posts...just watch the line length cause some of your lines are a little stretched out and that kinda throws the flow off...but just work on that and you will get better..keep at it.

Yea u betta post those replies before this gets deleted and its a pretty Piece So Ya WOuldn't want it getting deleted.........

-{/]~{Ú§KÍ}~[\}-

thanx for da feedback anymore??

First feedback - lay off the caps lock button.

This piece wasn't the greatest by any means, but you got your point across. Flow was decent, but some content was lacking. No eye popping lines at all, and I found it hard to get interested in this drop. Just keep writing and elevating.

And last but not least - NEVER refer to yourself as God again.

IF YOU READ THIS YOU WOULD UNERSTAND WHY I CALLED MYSELF GOD


AIGHT GOD

PIECE




IN THE ROTTEN APPLE EVERY MAN IS CONSIDERED A GOD IN THEIR OWN ter-MAN-KNOLEDG-y\
DEMISING LIVES AS WE PLEASE\
PROPHECING ARE OWN DREAMS\
WIT THE ABILITY TO CRUSH SAPIENS WIT ARE C.R.E.A.M.\
DEMED FROM BIRTH TO RULE AS KINGS\
SOME TO BE WORRIORS LIKE IN NAS'S STREET DREAMS\
FROM THE MOMENT OUT OF THE WOMB WE BEGIN TO DIE\
SO WHY NOT NOW, IM GOD! HERES A NINE TO THE EYE\\

yo good topic and vocab

not bad overall

just dont do that in caps lock again

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