"Underpriledged"(must peep)
 

an underpriledged motherfucker growing up in different hoods...tried buying things but there was no money for the goods...looking at a jacket in a window but he knew he coulndt buy it...selling drugs is the only option so he figured he would try it...on a corner he got more money and more as he progressed...watched people die as his life grew more grotseque...he felt school wasnt for him so he dropped out of 9th grade...hung with the thugs so he dropped into a gang...money drugs fine bitches so why play... only 15 years old and got sent to Y.A...hates this place all violence and no time on the phone...spent his time and now its time to go home...got into a life of violence...next think we heard was sirens then it went silent...homiez told him he got pumped with the gauge...next words out of his mout is "that punks gonna pay"...rolled down his block and lit that boys house up...next day he beat that boys spouse up..next week he got into a fight yea he worked his ass...same guy rolled up from behind and BOOM murked his ass...

can u guys tell me what u think please

please dont sleep

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted...

but this was ok...dont write it in paragraph form though, it takes away from the flow and makes it kinda hard to read....so put it line on top of line so its structured good and make the lines around the same length...just keep elevating....keep at it.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96930

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96878

that was a straight topic and it was real

fix the structure you'll be alright

good vocab and rhyme scheme too

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