Love and Hate
 

By a friend of mine, posted by me. Critique.

Love and Hate, four years to this date, I cannot keep living in this state. A rollar coaster of emotional tremors, I thought it would be you and me, for worse and for better. How many girls have passed you by, you let them use and abuse you, why? None of these girls happened to be me. You didn't feel like being happy? You wanted ass, I see. I jumped in the water and tried to drown, or tie a noose and hang myself when you weren't around. But with time comes change, wisdom and age, you made me so lonely, I'm over that stage. You made me so happy, I wanted to kill myself, having you around was bad for my health. I wanted you to kiss, then slit my wrists, nothing to grab as I'm sucked into your abyss. I try to move on, everyday I try, each time it gets harder as I catch your eye. I think I'm in love, but no longer with you, now I know you're worth nothing, you know that it's true. You're so low, I'm high above, you're the only boy I ever hated to love.

That makes complete sense in a weird way.. sometimes it felt like she just completely contradicted herself.. like at the beginning i was confused.. I only got it at the end.. but I liked it. The flow was good, I didnt think it was off at all.. Nice topic, seen it done before, but they did it quite nicely. I liked this, the way it was written, the flow, and the topic. Nothing to be changed. Nice job.

I have to say that this pz was very well written 2 problems its been done before and not only that but also she wrote it in paragraph form or that's just how you wrote it so the structure was off not completly wack but it wasn't right either.

ERM......MIXED FEELINS ON THIS SCRIPT. THE LAYOUT WAS A LIL RUSTY BUT CONTENT WAS MOSTLY SOUND. WORDPLAY WAS U LIL UNDER SCORE BUT AS A WHOLE IM FEELIN YA!

PEACE OUT

This poem really reminds me....of one of my friends current relationship. It scars you for life...

i think everyone's been in a similar relationship. The peice's structure was of but I won't penalize her for that, that could have been your fault
The vocab was on a lower scale but then again it was her peice not yours so I would think that she may have not been writting for a really long time or that she's had constructive critism from a site like this to tell her do's and don'ts... but there really are none in poetry, just what people think are good and bad... The idea of contradicting her self is really what made the reader get through this peice... at times it was slow and dragging but it would pick up, I noticed that more when it was in the paradox stages, if you will... I like it because of the contradictions other than that it was an overused cliche'.... good peice but could stand to be elevated. Tell her to join and get active... peace