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-   -   Im BAck (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=96968)

soprano 12-06-03 09:12 PM

Im BAck
 
Ya boy is back been busy perfectin my craft/
When Im done spittin on the mic the mic need a cast/
Just rappin no more pushin/
They say my flow hard like a couch without cushions/
Im just out here rappin and mackin for chetter/
Always romed the streets no one knows me better/
Sittin back on da streets I can predict when sculls get cracked/
Its always one serious about the chips and one tryin to get back/
Thats the first to get hurt an innocent bystandard/
Niggas on the streets making little kids bastards/
Pap got hurt in a conflict/
People told him it would be his demiss but he couldnt stop it/
Paper can make broken homes/
Fathers and sons get hurt when crome clashes with crome/
I picked up a mic for recreation/
As I grow older seems more like an occupation/
Girls see dat and one be down Im not trying to increase the population/
No girls gonna catchin me slippin so they can get my dollars/
Thtas why I always rap up and dont keep my girl on a leash and a collar/
They try to stay on yo hip when you make 'em holla/
So yes I'll tap it but no relationship/
Im waliking with my eyes open and you not gon make me trip/
Its the arrival of a threat thats unheard of/
Know that Im out gao the game stirred up/

5hifty 12-06-03 09:23 PM

yo this was an ok verse... but keep it up dawg.. you'll get better.. 6/10

Menik 12-06-03 09:27 PM

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of peoples you left feedback in or this will get deleted...

But this was ok...work on your structure though, your lines were all at different lengths, you had short and long ones...try to keep them around the same length though...flow was ok, just add more multies and internals to help it out....work on your stuff and keep elevating.

Dev 12-06-03 10:17 PM

this was ok, line lenght dont matter if the flow shines......it jus dont read like a poem then which it shouldnt any way.......keep at it.....add more multis n word play..but i think it was ok..pZ..


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