Da Death
 

the death iz wat we hate/dis iz a key bout fate/if u wanna die test ma skillz/u like THA neddle and im tha drill/niggaz get hit wit ma punches/it impossible to stop/when u uppin on me yo ass get coppedcuz i aint play wit u niggz/im here to win not fight u pussie ass wiggaz/u think u can beat me yo ass die/send yo famly THA NOTE that makem all cry/cause when u battle me u got a short chance/if u dont DIE i make yo ass do tha monkey dance/even know im not da best/but im good enoght to put dis bullet strait into yo chest:shoot: /u hummpin yo dad/you know so much thats y u write bout fagz/

dis is directed strait to tha nigga 2way

eh, well, this was iight. Your flow was kinda choppy. And some of the lines were played, it seems liek you kinda rushed through this. But if you actuallt sitdown, get focused, and write something, you will write better shit. You need to elevate but keep spittin. Return the favor http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96992

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..

But this was a ok piece....structure could use some work though, try not to put it in paragraph form, cause some people find it hard to read and stay reading, so try to put it line on top of line and keep the lines around the same length though....flow was ok, it was off at points, add some internals and multies to help that out though....but just keep elevating and keep at it.

This was a pretty bad verse, man...

No offense, just...it's real elementary.

Horrible format, weak and simple rhyme scheme, no wordplay whatsoever.

I guess it's ok for a standing on the corner rap...

But not for an Open Mic.

Elevate, my man, elevate.

Peace

yep.
reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies, or this gets deleted.
read the rules.

ok im just new to this site im used to proboards and i got no idea wuz u guys talkin bout 3links

Damn....I can tell you put a lot of thought and time into this piece....with lines that make perfect sense like "u like THA neddle and im tha drill" and a closure as twisting as "u hummpin yo dad/you know so much thats y u write bout fagz/" we can all tell this is instant legend worthy. :rolleyes:

But seriously, you need to think of some better topics other than "I'm going to kill you" and work on your lines. Some are like three words long and then some are full paragraphs it seems.

FUCKING DOPE!!!
just playin dont catch a heart attack...
ddint like it
drop 3 links also

hmm i didnt like it

if u had better structure and wrote some words in english instead of iz for is and da for the it would be alot better...it got boring and it was a diss or something?...very weak for a diss..u needa work on your structure and lenght of lines and youll be better..

Pz

read the rules, they are stickied at the top of the forum.