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[Motherly Love.]
News presenter
Daniel Physcatrist Daniels life was entangled in troubles In a dark wind.. This candle struggles To handle cuddles His glow glinted.. To the whole village Told to squint it.. It wasn't that bright He sat tight.. In his really small house Ever since Dan lyed in that boken cot Him and his lovely mum would fall out He knew about this as he poked slop That he was meant to eat Daniel's only sent to meat When he had to go to see Social Service..You and me Would know him as a theif But when kicking in autumn Wouldn't turn the new leaf He needed. . . He needed to speak his mind I know your mother was major part of your life. Do you want to Speak about her. Take your time My mum was dumb She couldn't help me with homework I honed hurt while pain grows worse Moans blurt. Out. Then. . . She washed my mouth It was the only clean part of me I found it hard to breath I was left unanswered About my pet hamster Smokey was his name Trapped in the chains Of my mothers smoke Then Blundered hope The same as me I felt like a kettle I steamed up.. Then when I peed in a cup It would turn out warm b'cos it freezed up My mum would only hug me on my birthday So it was more special and I hoped itd stay I could only nestle with the sweets That were bought after I got beats Okay. So you experianced troubles In your family. I understand you lived very poor and unattended with your mums love. Who beated you Daniel? It was my Mum.. She yelled 'Pull down your trousers and show me your bum' With my deflated lungs I squeezed my thumbs Tasting the shit for tea Then she used to hit me With that wooden spoon She used for the dinner She wouldn't groom Shouting when i'm worried 'Don't worry.. You couldn't bloom' She hated me.. For wrecking her life Only her love was specking my sight I had trouble to see I asked for glasses So that I could read But then she said 'No.. I'm rat assed Now go to bed' I thought in my head It was just straw in the corner of the shed I slept with one eye open Incase she took my clothing I was always woken By her stupid moping Numerous times.. She started choking.. Me So I Simply.. killed her Before she killed me She stans as my statue But I can have liberty Oh.. I know you may of felt you didn't have no choice.. But believe you did.. But.. We can work on how you killed her.. I think we found why you killed her.. So how did you.. I picked up the rusty fork with apple on I looked at her eyes.. The dazzles gone Just like A hawk.. I swooped it down Then I found it stuck into the ground She lyed with it there right in her eye I'm not the type to deny.. I done it so I'm the apple of her eye.. Now you no If you don't do.. * A silent pause.. As she looks horified at him * I'll do it to you.. * Another silent pause. * It turned out he was true. |
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Wow. Nice topic, and i sorta liked da rhyme scheme even though u said it wasnt meant to rhyme. You went really in depth on dis piece and used good imagery. I wuz really feelin dis one. keep it up homie. One.
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Yeah i agree this was a pretty good piece here...enjoyed the read...I liked the topic as well...you had good imaginery like P said, it was real good, i liked that...you covered this real well i thought...overall this was a good piece, made a good read....keep at it.
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It was a nice drop hommie. I was really feeling the topic, thats what caught my eye in the first place. You have some really nice imagery in here, and some really good lines. The rhyme scheme was good, I thought it wasnt ganna be. Cause when I first looked the lines where short. But as I read, you really surprized me. I Like this hommie, it was a really nice read...
---> Return the favor and check the flow in my sig hommie... OUT -High Class a.k.a Confusion |
kinda poetic
found a rhyme scheme....ehh topic was okay, need some work on using better vocab to get your point across if its not susposed to rhyme, put it in the poem forums keep postin tho................................... |
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