~new verse~
 

i'll battle you line for line split ya wig from time ta time/
send three people to ya left cuz you outta ya right mind/
perplexed thoughts mixed wit detrimental costs equals one complexed hell of a loss/
the deadliest boss send potent potions ta keep others in they grave tossin and rollin/
im willin ta keep dealin fo as long as it takes/
and ready ta make ya famous like da great lakes/
you broke wit no deal hungry fo a mill/
reachin for the fo-fo trynna touch me still/
fa real i mean dawg come back ta reality/
try an send ya whole army and hood ta come battle me/
you'll repeat the same feat wit defeat dont ya see/
end up wishin that you'd neva tried ta mess wit me/

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted...

but this was ok...your structure could use some work though, some of your lines were a little stretched out there, you should try to make them a bit shorter and keep all your lines around the same length though...your flow was alright, could be touched up...add some multies to this....overall this was ok...keep at it.

This was really quite basic.. No multis.. The flow fell off aswell.. Your inners were good.. I was expecting wordplay.. even that being played.. But none at all.. A big dissapointment..Stay Up

goood vocab

good rhyme scheme

a felt it the whole way thru

keep postin man
...........................................

thanx still uppin!!

you need to reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread, or it gets deleted.
thanks.