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Baron Mynd 12-08-03 10:04 AM

RSTL: Confessions
 

RSTL: You're a priest hearing confessionals...

Confessions


Ive witnessed Various Problems throughout my Working Years,
From Abused wives & broken Homes, to Grown men Jerking Tears.
it Hurts My Ears to hear it knowing there's no way i Can Suffice,
but to listen to each of their problems & then Give My Advice.
i'd Lived This Life some time now .. aguny aunt to These Bland Folk,
when Suddenly a Teenage Girl sat opposite Me And Spoke:

.
.
.
"... about two months back .. i got drunk with some Other Kids,
had sex with this one guy, my first time, and the Rubber Split
so now im Stuck With a Kid, and faced with two Options
whether to keep my child .. or to put it up for Adoption.
Lost In a Wave of emotions .. dont know which way to Turn An,
the father dont wanna know, and im too scared to Tell My Parents.
i Swear Its the worst ive felt, i just needed to Vent Some Questions
cause i was feeling Stuck in the Middle with no Sense Of Direction
i Learnt The Lesson the hard way .. single Mother At Sixteen
like intercourse would make me 'Grown Up' .. What Was I thinking?!
i Wish Things could of been different. i mean .. anything But This
why'd it have to happen to me? Ive always been a Good Kid
But i Wanted to voice my fears .. my concerns on Life's Drama,
i needed a shoulder to cry on .. thank you for your Time, Father .."
.
.
.
she Rose From The Seat
left the church w. no more than a Mere Gesture,
I was En-vogued To See
such an innocent girl fallen victim to Peer Pressure
the Years Treasured in her Young Youth, now Un-true and lost,
but i held that thought, as a gentlemen entered the confession box

.
.
.
" .. Home Life's become a Thrown Fight, im Glad im not There
see after sixteen years of marriage .. ive now Had an Affair.
Yet im too Dispareged to Care, the love's gone - and we Knew It
we only share the same house, because of our Two Kids.
They dont even speak to us now, which Hurts Me To Stomach
because our Family Values .. Ammount to Virtually Nothing.
with Luck, Things will work out .. i'll leave this Joke Alone
& quit considering Stabbing Myself with this Broken home
and i hope my children forgive me .. for sleeping in Other Arms,
but me & their Mother were finished before i found this Lovers Charm
And what i wanted to say is: im no longer Speaking Under my Breath
Living At Home is Killing Me .. and Leaving is For the Best .."
.
.
.
He was Clearly Upset .. but who knows, Maybe He's Right
and this Mistress of His really IS the Lady His Life's,
been Chasing To Find. At that, the church doors opened again
and inside the confession box, a woman began speaking

.
.
.
" ... I've no idea what went wrong, or how to Start The Story
but the last month, my husbands been acting Violent Towards Me
He's also been drinking heavily .. & ive completly Lost The Plot,
its like Our Marriage is How He Likes His Shots .. On The Rocks
and its Tearing Us Apart .. the Thought makes me Feel Putrid
Never imagined our kids father Figure would come Battery Included
so now im Feeling Useless, my face all Blacked and Bruised
the Results of Last Time my husband Drank a Few, Cans of Brew
Ive no idea What To Do .. yes he's violent and Left Me Scarred
but He's still the man i married .. out of love .. till Death Do Us Part"
.
.
.
Now what i didnt tell you, was that each of these Share A Bond
i Guess If your a Pessimist, you Could call this a Relative Wrong
The pregnant teenager, aduterous husband and Beaten Wife
I take it you noticed their other 'child' was Missing, Right?
Not exactly. See this is based on a 'close to my Heart' Theme
The characters here, my family. The child in the Dark, Me.
Never noticed. Just expected to pull and help Reel the Line
but if Im dealing with all Their Problems,

then Who's gonna help Me Deal with Mine?



I'm NOT a Walking Confession Box .. Damn ..

Dev 12-08-03 10:56 AM

thought this was a really good concept and was executed well...good to see.....ya got a nice style of writtin goin there.....
stay up.........pZ....oh,, i aint gonna bother to break it down,,,cos its all well written....

Baron Mynd 12-08-03 01:39 PM

delete this and i'll kill you .. i'll get links tommorow .. im off out to get pissed .. its Det's 18th b.day .. so yeah .. leave this open till tommorow

-->FreeBasE<-- 12-08-03 01:53 PM

caramac this was publishing worthy

good concept/topic

good rhymescheme and flow and vocab

good ending

one of the best, hall of fame worthy maybe

.................................................. .

Edicius 12-08-03 02:15 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Camarac
delete this and i'll kill you .. i'll get links tommorow .. im off out to get pissed .. its Det's 18th b.day .. so yeah .. leave this open till tommorow


Hoe = )

Amarant 12-08-03 03:16 PM

damn Cam u came off hard. this piece is fucking marvellous.
it kept me reading and got my attenton straight from the beginning.
flowed almost perfectly, but 1 or 2 lines seemed to fall off, but u picked it back up.
good wordplay and vocab and multi and a great story telling peace.
cant correct u on nething really, cause how can u correct an almost perfect peace.
overall-brilliant.

hit my rhyme
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96675

cheers

rule 12-08-03 04:29 PM

this was a great piece, the way you described there problems was really powerful the vocab was great, wouldnt change anything...very good keep it up

Baron Mynd 12-08-03 07:27 PM

OK

Maven 12-08-03 09:51 PM

Explain to me how you will kill me through the internet? o.O
oh well, I'll edit this with a reply when you leave your links, hoe

Emerge 12-08-03 11:06 PM

nice drop...vocab displaying enough emotion...flow stayed true...topic creative...blah you drop nice all the time...big deal drop something in another language if you want to surprise people

SPEC-tacular 12-08-03 11:23 PM

flow was hot wordplay was hot vocab ight multis ight it was hot but about fuckin a guy thats a PAUSE good shit tho

Baron Mynd 12-09-03 11:37 AM

up while i get links = )

pot1ent 12-09-03 11:47 AM

This was dope as fuck.. This was a great read.. The conept was pulled off beautfully.. Your ass is right I think you will crack the UK scene.. Techinally there was nothing wrong with this.. Nor my opinion either.. Go and tell me how wack I am for a link..lol

Born To Kill 12-09-03 11:51 AM

You reply to my Open Mic with feedback...

That's got asshole written all over it...

Seemed pretty pointless to me ..
wish i hadnt wasted the time
reading to be honest. Basic rhymes,
nothing really eye opening .. flow &
multi's need work .. if your gonna
write anything at all, at least make
it something worth actually reading.

I hate pieces like this that just waste my time.

Sorry.

Reply to my RSTL piece = )


And you have the nerve to ask for my feedback in return?

Yeah, right...

Maybe after you take the stick outta your ass.

Baron Mynd 12-09-03 11:56 AM

Lmao .. maybe you should re-read your piece before you take my response seriously?

You see .. as a writer, nothing entertains me more than reading other peoples perspectives, their styles, the wording, the writers voice etc. So when i go to a thread by a some what 'decent' member here .. i expect to read something half way encouraging, not some under ten lines piece that anyone on this site could of keystyled. You write a decent piece, i'll give a decent reply. You write bullshit that wastes my time .. you get a bullshit response.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97055
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97447
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96664

And thanks to Maven, for helping me a little with the opening line, although, the one's i ran with at the end were totally different .. lol ..


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