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RSTL: Confessions
RSTL: You're a priest hearing confessionals... Confessions Ive witnessed Various Problems throughout my Working Years, From Abused wives & broken Homes, to Grown men Jerking Tears. it Hurts My Ears to hear it knowing there's no way i Can Suffice, but to listen to each of their problems & then Give My Advice. i'd Lived This Life some time now .. aguny aunt to These Bland Folk, when Suddenly a Teenage Girl sat opposite Me And Spoke: . . . "... about two months back .. i got drunk with some Other Kids, had sex with this one guy, my first time, and the Rubber Split so now im Stuck With a Kid, and faced with two Options whether to keep my child .. or to put it up for Adoption. Lost In a Wave of emotions .. dont know which way to Turn An, the father dont wanna know, and im too scared to Tell My Parents. i Swear Its the worst ive felt, i just needed to Vent Some Questions cause i was feeling Stuck in the Middle with no Sense Of Direction i Learnt The Lesson the hard way .. single Mother At Sixteen like intercourse would make me 'Grown Up' .. What Was I thinking?! i Wish Things could of been different. i mean .. anything But This why'd it have to happen to me? Ive always been a Good Kid But i Wanted to voice my fears .. my concerns on Life's Drama, i needed a shoulder to cry on .. thank you for your Time, Father .." . . . she Rose From The Seat left the church w. no more than a Mere Gesture, I was En-vogued To See such an innocent girl fallen victim to Peer Pressure the Years Treasured in her Young Youth, now Un-true and lost, but i held that thought, as a gentlemen entered the confession box . . . " .. Home Life's become a Thrown Fight, im Glad im not There see after sixteen years of marriage .. ive now Had an Affair. Yet im too Dispareged to Care, the love's gone - and we Knew It we only share the same house, because of our Two Kids. They dont even speak to us now, which Hurts Me To Stomach because our Family Values .. Ammount to Virtually Nothing. with Luck, Things will work out .. i'll leave this Joke Alone & quit considering Stabbing Myself with this Broken home and i hope my children forgive me .. for sleeping in Other Arms, but me & their Mother were finished before i found this Lovers Charm And what i wanted to say is: im no longer Speaking Under my Breath Living At Home is Killing Me .. and Leaving is For the Best .." . . . He was Clearly Upset .. but who knows, Maybe He's Right and this Mistress of His really IS the Lady His Life's, been Chasing To Find. At that, the church doors opened again and inside the confession box, a woman began speaking . . . " ... I've no idea what went wrong, or how to Start The Story but the last month, my husbands been acting Violent Towards Me He's also been drinking heavily .. & ive completly Lost The Plot, its like Our Marriage is How He Likes His Shots .. On The Rocks and its Tearing Us Apart .. the Thought makes me Feel Putrid Never imagined our kids father Figure would come Battery Included so now im Feeling Useless, my face all Blacked and Bruised the Results of Last Time my husband Drank a Few, Cans of Brew Ive no idea What To Do .. yes he's violent and Left Me Scarred but He's still the man i married .. out of love .. till Death Do Us Part" . . . Now what i didnt tell you, was that each of these Share A Bond i Guess If your a Pessimist, you Could call this a Relative Wrong The pregnant teenager, aduterous husband and Beaten Wife I take it you noticed their other 'child' was Missing, Right? Not exactly. See this is based on a 'close to my Heart' Theme The characters here, my family. The child in the Dark, Me. Never noticed. Just expected to pull and help Reel the Line but if Im dealing with all Their Problems, then Who's gonna help Me Deal with Mine? I'm NOT a Walking Confession Box .. Damn .. |
thought this was a really good concept and was executed well...good to see.....ya got a nice style of writtin goin there.....
stay up.........pZ....oh,, i aint gonna bother to break it down,,,cos its all well written.... |
delete this and i'll kill you .. i'll get links tommorow .. im off out to get pissed .. its Det's 18th b.day .. so yeah .. leave this open till tommorow
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caramac this was publishing worthy
good concept/topic good rhymescheme and flow and vocab good ending one of the best, hall of fame worthy maybe .................................................. . |
Quote:
Hoe = ) |
damn Cam u came off hard. this piece is fucking marvellous.
it kept me reading and got my attenton straight from the beginning. flowed almost perfectly, but 1 or 2 lines seemed to fall off, but u picked it back up. good wordplay and vocab and multi and a great story telling peace. cant correct u on nething really, cause how can u correct an almost perfect peace. overall-brilliant. hit my rhyme http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96675 cheers |
this was a great piece, the way you described there problems was really powerful the vocab was great, wouldnt change anything...very good keep it up
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OK
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Explain to me how you will kill me through the internet? o.O
oh well, I'll edit this with a reply when you leave your links, hoe |
nice drop...vocab displaying enough emotion...flow stayed true...topic creative...blah you drop nice all the time...big deal drop something in another language if you want to surprise people
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flow was hot wordplay was hot vocab ight multis ight it was hot but about fuckin a guy thats a PAUSE good shit tho
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up while i get links = )
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This was dope as fuck.. This was a great read.. The conept was pulled off beautfully.. Your ass is right I think you will crack the UK scene.. Techinally there was nothing wrong with this.. Nor my opinion either.. Go and tell me how wack I am for a link..lol
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You reply to my Open Mic with feedback...
That's got asshole written all over it... Seemed pretty pointless to me .. wish i hadnt wasted the time reading to be honest. Basic rhymes, nothing really eye opening .. flow & multi's need work .. if your gonna write anything at all, at least make it something worth actually reading. I hate pieces like this that just waste my time. Sorry. Reply to my RSTL piece = ) And you have the nerve to ask for my feedback in return? Yeah, right... Maybe after you take the stick outta your ass. |
Lmao .. maybe you should re-read your piece before you take my response seriously?
You see .. as a writer, nothing entertains me more than reading other peoples perspectives, their styles, the wording, the writers voice etc. So when i go to a thread by a some what 'decent' member here .. i expect to read something half way encouraging, not some under ten lines piece that anyone on this site could of keystyled. You write a decent piece, i'll give a decent reply. You write bullshit that wastes my time .. you get a bullshit response. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97055 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97447 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96664 And thanks to Maven, for helping me a little with the opening line, although, the one's i ran with at the end were totally different .. lol .. |
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