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Corrupted Visions: I Give Up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97220
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97284 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97280 I sometimes sit and think to myself why I still try… Giving up crosses my mind so many times but will I?.. Probably cause all this hope its starting to diminish… Cause I started things I now know I’ll never finish… There is so many things that just cross my mind…. Like a Rock entering a Pond I just wanna toss my life.. Cause I lost the fight cause every things turning gray.. I Yearn n pray that things get better but I just burn today.. No need to turn to fate cause theres no point to anything.. Just pain and lies…..cause that’s all that many bring… I try and I try, so I Give Up.. I cry and I cry, so I Give Up.. I lie and I lie, so I Give Up.. I try and I try, so I Give Up.. I wanted things that I just could never reach for… Always got put down wishing we could be more.. As I’m falling with nothing to hold on to now… Cause so many things just unfold makes you shout… Getting played left in a daze for my final days… And this way is just not ok cause it’s a everlasting faze.. Of life or death, I fight for breath but my lungs are empty.. I’m starting not to be friendly someone please mend me.. But it’ll never happen cause I’m crashen and hitting hard.. I gave you my heart but you gave it back ripped apart.. I try and I try, so I Give Up.. I cry and I cry, so I Give Up.. I lie and I lie, so I Give Up.. I try and I try, so I Give Up.. Giving up is the only option I have left to pick from.. Cause every thing is putting me in a depressing syndrome.. I been done, I just never realized it till right now… The mics down…i have every reason to put the fight out.. My life is hell I have the right to fail cause theres no point… You can start hoping but.….now I just wont go join… Cause every thing I ever had is just slippen away… And I cant grasp it back so I keep things hidden away… People always say that im the guy that is so perfect… But im a living failure, easily seen, this life isnt worth it… I try and I try, so I Give Up.. I cry and I cry, so I Give Up.. I lie and I lie, so I Give Up.. I try and I try, so I Give Up.. |
aigh't nice piece man. easy read, structers down, flows intact, multi's are on point topics a lil played but u worked pretty well with it I thought that your hook coulda been a bit better but it was ok went with the feel of what u were getting across. one more thing their wasn't a whole lot of complexity here but the basic rhyme scheme made for an easy read, keep droppin bro.
and hey I would leave a well structred feedback for ya masta but I'm juss really not in the mood for it havin a really really bad day. next time for sure though bro and leave me some feedback on my slower days open mic. peace bro. |
Yo Masta this was a good piece.......i enjoyed tha Flow it keep hitting in every Verse And Was constant..........The Structure stayed On For Most of It...There Are Multis that good..the Hook Wasn't the greatest ANd ya Use that Chorus Well In the End...Not much To complain about.....But allround A Good Piece Man It had some tight Bits in it......9/10 Aiight Kuz Peace (v)
-{/]~{Ú§kÍ}~[\}- |
nice peice, needs more of a story line to it tho, makes for more of a better read, had good vocab tho as well as good word play, hook couled be more complex but its a simple peice, i posted mine today sorry bout the delay
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EMOTION EMOTION EMOTION!!!!!!!!!!!
nice drop...vocab down packed...meta nice...wordplay decent...flow straight as fezzie...good shit...almost long but it was cool...hook needed more emphasis like an exclamation point to show screaming or something...all in all very nice |
i thought it was hot ,flow was hot wordplay was there had a couple of multi's,
overall 7/10 |
Hey Thanks For The Feedback So Far, Keep The Feedback Coming In, Its Much Appreciated, Thanks.
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deep.......wordpplay and imagery was great......8.5/10
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YO, LIKIN THIS READ MAN. I KNOW HOW YA FEELIN. WE JUST GOTTA KEEP OUR HEADS UP THO. SUM REAL NICE MULTI'S AND A TIGHT FLOW. GOOD WORK.
PEACE OUT. |
It was ok
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Hey Thanks For The Feedback So Far, Keep The Feedback Coming In, Its Much Appreciated, Thanks.
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ohh...man that was sick...i felt you and what u was sayin' all the way and all i gotta say is don't give up, and keep this sh*t up
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yo homie that was sum hot shit u had evrything good except for de hook but u can work on that
multi's-good vocab-tight structure-easy read, so it was excellent flow-fell down a lil but it was still on fire overall- keep it comin homie, dat was sum hot shit, nice emotions piece please return the favor http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97593 |
Nice peice Masta was on topic the whole time I would give it a 8.5/10
peace. |
Good shit here.
Flow was on point. Wordplay was on point. Multi usage was not used but it wasn't needed. Imagery given here. I felt this to tha max. 9/10. Keep em coming. Return tha favor. |
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