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-   -   Back Atcha (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=97647)

LA_4LYFE 12-09-03 07:47 PM

Back Atcha
 
Dis is 2 everyone who dosent feel me
or like
thinks that i should try switchin up my style
fuck dat
an right back atch

right back atchu mutha fuckers wit a semi-automatic
2 "97" for u? fuck it! im still bustin static
Sure ill switch up my style if u got a mike then ill grab it
im dancin circles around u like rewrund 4rm "Whats Happing"
violence is in my blood plus bitches is still scrappin
sittin back an laughin like a planet of crack attics
ive steped 2 da next level an watched haters recoil
moved up 4rm thunder bird an grape koolade 2 Crown Royal
Dat hit so hard it left ur fuckin eyes swollen
Yall mutha fuckers aint ballin shit yall bitches bowlin
rollin nuttin but gutter balls an still chokin
smokin nuttin but herb ash in da early mournin
smashed plus all ur cash got swapped in Texas Hold Em
wat the fuck can i say ill try an change
but if i cant an stay da same
dont hate
right back atchu

Menik 12-09-03 08:06 PM

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted...

But this was ok...your structure could use a bit of a work though...try keeping your lines around the same length so its structured good and so it helps the flow out....you had multies but try adding some more in here to help out the flow as well...but keep elevating and keep at it.

Phoeniix 12-09-03 08:13 PM

yo like masta c said....work on the structure and evening the line length to get the flow down. i enjoyed the piece and felt the attitude of your drop. nice one.

Accelerate 12-09-03 09:00 PM

Hop off the gangsta tip man. Work on trying to become more of a deep writer, expand and don't show your limitations. You could've done way better than this, elevate homie, because Im not attacking you, you just need to work on your flow and getting a decent topic. Elevate.

SPEC-tacular 12-09-03 11:48 PM

piece was ok wordplay simple vocab simple multis eeh? punches weak flow ok over all 4.5-5/10

Token 12-10-03 09:02 AM

Like Skiddz said..
Stay away from the ghetto shit talking..
Try to be more of a deep inspired writer..
Work on getting your feelings and emotions in your text..
So that the readers know and understand just where you're coming from.. Overall it wasn't that bad.. Work on your structure and basically what everyone else said..
No hate..
Good luck in the future homie..


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