Repercussions
 

had an argument, for what
but meaningless talk
on the sidewalk, for what
to get seemingless gawks
annoyed people voiced anger
like a strangers confrontation
their little party, spoke out
against strangers congrugations
only wanted part of themselves
they want no part of others
lowered voices whispered
didnt talk like brothers
they were unnoticed, shunned
spoken about on the side
every proposement punned
ignored the point in mind
the townspeople wondered
everything, too much for now
whats with these folks?
who, where, what and how
the strangers moved in
wouldn't be pushed aside
any shelter perfect
even a box or bush in mind
what was wrong here wasnt them
they didnt try to be goblins
they had their happiness. .
money was societys problem
now they get along fine
no more discussions gone bad
the moral of the story?
societys repercussions are bad

ten views & no replies? if this sucked just tell me. .

just sucked....only joking man, the thing about this piece is that its like the Steelers,(work with me) the talent is good enough to go all the way but poor performances dont stun, i felt that this piece began well (lets say 14-0 steelers) but as the middle came it watered down (14-10) and in the end you somewhat grasped your previous brilliance (17-10) but in the end you seemed exhausted and tried to save it by bringing a premature end (Final 17-20 in 3rd quarter, steelers lose) good but, not so at the same time, stay up man, 1luv.

I think I understand the aforementioned analogy, but I don't think it accurately describes it.

To me the begginning was rather cumborsome and lacked flow, purpose, and direction. But by the end it all came up to a point where it was smooth, it flowed, it had purpose and direction.

That's all I'm saying. The style at the end, while technicly the same as the start, just had some magick about it that made it work.

~Irenic~

i like those explanations. . and i get where the steelers kid came from. i got unattentive to my purpose and bored, i should have written it bit by bit instead of all at once.

THAT SHIT WAS SICK AS FUCK...
GOOD READ MAN...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was quite a wavey piece. But nonetheless once i got into it came together relatively well.

It does seem like you've just kept on going when you should've stopped. You know, cos you ran out of steam. So should've loaded back up with coal and then started up again. But hey, sometimes you just keep on going, even if you have to churn it out.

...resp...

keep ya head up and keep spittin ya shit was hard