a little short saliva rippin
 

mic rippin like a dyke lickin on a mic spittin
syke i'm trippin poppin a wheelie on a bike flippin
on a mission taking the day off gone fishin
ball your fist in how hard is it to make ya'll listen
sonny liston i got not a pot to piss in
i was lost and found on the back of a milk carton missin
serch i dissed him i'll push a hooptie as long
as it got a system practing christian
uplifting forever sifting thru the garbage that
is hip hop that stays idol never shifting
stop the drillin it hurts let me pop a pill in
try to make a killin still in
trenton


:shoot:

You Need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed...

But this was ok....you need to elevate though...structure could use some work, try keeping your lines around the same length, to help the flow out....also try adding some multies to this to make it better, and internals as well...but keep at it.

thanks man im a newbie here. i know nothing bout the rules . thanks again, peace

Yo try to mix it up a little bit get more vocab. cause i could actually predict the next rhyming word.

so next time mix it up make it unpredictable

yo this piece was aiight.....you could try and extend ya vocab that would work...ya structure is a bit off ya wanna try and keep ya Line tha Same Length and that will Help ya flow which was all rite Could be betta....All And all a good Open Mic...
Could ya hit up the Open Mic In My Sig Peace....