<--The Rightous Wrongdoing-->
 

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96720
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98127
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98149

Flashing back, ’85. feelin the snot run down my nose
But more intrigued by a need for answers, young frown exposed./
From the question I had for olderstatsmen of foundation
The lessons to lad slowly shaken by bounded patience/
“How does this make sense!?”….It is what it is; the reply
But the shit is a fix, thats how MY conscious explains it/
Now here comes the hair on my balls, so the air in my gull
To speak out is deep, mental weeds spouts through deep pavement/…
They say get..education though higher learning, can’t be taken away
But how can that matter if the chance isn’t displayed in the phase?/
And fuck the government, talk ‘bout “the economies down” my ass…
Stop hounding my pad to fight for that 87 billion you crowned Iraq/…that’s bullshit
So I’m left to pull shit and deal with logic, since pimps don’t pay taxes
And $5.15 don’t pay house notes, Imma make my means with ASAP ness/
“When worse comes it worse rip people off first”, yhea they condemn that
Chop a piece off a nigga check and can’t get a pot hole fixed where I live at/
It don’t seem right…it don’t seem right now Imma be doin what seem right
The grease derived in schemes make the meek deprived of things../
Come to theories as I think this while lights out, sleep refuse to engulf me
Vexed that I’m at work everyday but the fuse is not why I’m in a dark scene/………..

it seams a little off when i read and you also seamed to alter topics to quick i t went from being on you to being in generak sence other then that you utilized masterful skill in structure and word usage and made me a believer in yur talent.

i think the flow fell nearly every line...could see what yuou were trying to do...but jus seemed to be worded in a was that knocked it,,,,,some good vocab though n ya scheme was ok.....jus htought it could have been executed better...not bad....pZ.....

This was a alright piece here i thought...structure seemed pretty good in this overall.....but the flow fell off a lot in this i thought as well....your vocab was nice in this though...but overall this was alright...keep at it.

i found the flow right off on this piece
very deep, i liked it alot
topic, ehhh, but you worked it good
7.8/10

The flow was off.. The meaning did lack.. It was from an interesting read.. Just elevate by getting more into the concept and making it flow.. I don't mean no hate.. I'm just offering my well earned knoweledge.. You may think b'cos your record is better not too listen to me.. But Trust..

Go return the favour..

^^Naw no beef, I listen to all feedback.

I kinda of knew that the replis was gonna say the flow was off, thats cuz its difficult to intreprent the way I flow on a track into text...I put very hard accents in my rhymes to make words go that wouldn't normaly go, I rhyme syllables more than words,
like

They say get..education though higher learning, can’t be taken away
But how can that matter if the chance isn’t displayed in the phase?/

Taken away
played in the phase/

both those have 4 syllables even though the words don;t match on text

and the dis in displayed I only rhyme the played part not the whole word displayed

PLus alot of lines don;t rhyme traditionaly
like...

“How does this make sense!?”….It is what it is; the reply
But the shit is a fix, thats how MY conscious explains it/

of course the 2 end words don't rhyme, thats cause I rhymed
"how this does this make sense" and "conscious expains it"
if you say it out loud you can see how it rhymes, both have 6 syllables.....

I also rhymed " is what it is" and "shit is a fix" also

I got tired or rhyming like
...............ab
...............ab/
a long time ago...

But like I said I kinda knew that was gonnabe the responce, it's it's hard to intrepent sound without sound...so yhea..I'll return the favor on everybodys shit.......up

nice shit dawg keep ya head

aiight, thats a good look. Up^^^^^^^

pretty good drop...

your flow wasnt the best and your rhyme scheme was ok..

good vocab though

keep droppin

i'm sorry man but that just wasen't good. U have some potential but u need to sharpen skillz. Also if ur gonna make it that long keep it intresting or make it short and to the point