Some stupid Shit i want ya'll to criticize for me
 

Check it...

I spit shit thats simplistic and unrealistic for no reason,
yeah i know its cheezy, but this the shit dat i'm bleedin,
I fart then light a match, illuminate the earth,
till i get tired of it, then i whip my dick out and squirt,
As i disperse, venomous lyrics upon this verse,
I'm hissin Asmodeous, name of the fallen angel thats cursed,
Too abstract to comprehend but can i contend,
in any environment like chameleons, i just simply blend,
so send a whole legion, and line em up in rows,
so i can blow em down wit waves of emensely sick flows,
I'll leave not a single one left, at lightnin speed rates,
and bury em just as quickly, packin em in meat crates,
My rhymes put you in a dream state, the minute you hear it,
welcome to my dimension, in the form of explicit lyrics,
these rhymes rewind the tape to blow minds and shatter spines,
or jam the gears in the clock just to stop the hands of time,
showin no signs of stoppin, eye poppin and jaw droppin,
my lyrics go to ya head like guns when they pop lockin,
I'm boppin sockin mouths witout the blown out mittens,
eatin beats and spittin lyrics, and a whole lotta shittin,
on bitches that ain't ready, or don't even know,
that my rhymes flow like the blood spillin outta they throats,
and fuck those dum folks, that wanna be cut throat,
and fake like they gun tote, but they faggots who dropped soap,
Just like the guy, George Foreman, i guarantee it,
I make thunder and lightnin when i clap, you can't see it?
don't believe it? ok,i'll make you feel it, pain neva lies, i'm the miracle man, the realest,
I let blinds see what i write, and the deaf hear what i'm sayin, when i perform, the paralyzed give me standin ovations,
the mute shout my name, and ADD kids pay attention,
I'm sumthin that cats wit alzheimers iz neva forgettin,
you might kill me once, but like the holy man i rise up,
i come back wit a vengeance, put you in a firy ditch you can't climb up,
5 star dish on a golden plate comin to ya seats, what,
Forsake ya hopeless asses while i go ahead and turn the heat up.

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But this was alright i thought....structure seemed pretty good, just some lines were kinda long just watch out for that, try keeping them the same length ot make the flow go good....try adding some multies as well...but keep at it.

yeah in some ways thought this was ok,,,but ya had a few lines that to me were jus no good...but ya flow was on point for the most,,,and ya scheme was ok.....with a bit of work n some multis and shit....could be good....keep at it...pZ.....jus keep elevating,,,,,,,,

actually quite a lot of good puches and concepts used here for such a random verse, the vocab and multis were a little absent but you had a lot of imagery here. you definately got potential as a battle emcee if anything.

i have to give the same opinion as johnny. but i think u need a little more work but u are doing good where ur at now