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YOUNGNUT- NEW SHIT-rae and critique minez and ill make sure 2 do the same
Cronix(shook onez loco diss)
Fuck u featurin origin,koncept and edicus Ever since-Dez Plus anybody who replies to this -------------------------------------------------- ITS WorldWideMob now, a click to call my own// We never shy away from war and never die alone// This member dismember enemy limbs and divide the bones// U need armys 2 rush our zone now that I'm home// I'm reppin worldwide till I'm gone// -------------------------------------------------- U don't want war wit us we bust em boy// Make hearts stop like Dion Warrick at customs boy// U wasted like dick on priest who don't fuck them boys// Nut destroys, as I meditate evil thoughts start to resonate// Like C4'n my chestplate, hug u fake thugs till I detonate// There will never be another nut once I'm off the scene// I forces ya girls orifice to swallow all possible offspring// Never say never the near future is not seen// My mob plot burials yall plot half ass schemes// We like a cops every shot, call me clean// Like Roy Horns tiger the way we maul ball garglin teams// >> CHORUS I'm worldwide now, I'm takin no hostages// Shove my dick down ya throat, and start rapin esophogus// We a walkin apocalypse are cocks get licked across the continent// Death is the consequence 4 nonsense towards the conglamerant// I'm an accomplished novelist, soon u'll be forced 2 acknowledge this// Fiercest mob list, can't see that run 2 ya nearest optomotrist// How can u tell us apart, it don't really take a genius// We can easily be distinguished by the size of the penus// U don't realize how many squads met they demise between us// We'd only get more praise disguised as a mixbreed jesus//. >> CHORUS My enemies mortified like I've been fortified by gamma rays// Dynastys goin down like paris hilton in her lets fuck on camera days// My dome injected wit anabolic androgenics// Clones mimic go and ya own sentence// Ya resemblence not set in stone my throne is cemented// Fuck a stamp of approval unless its mark of the beast// Rip u marks arteries apart I'm a shark I don't sleep// Sharp as tacks Noahs ark couldn't find me an identical beast// The whole rap world know about my luv 4 battle// Kinda like the luv u got 4 girls wit adams apples// We madmen, scramble// B4 ya only means of contact is a madam havin u channeled//. U sad like a armless man tryin his hand at masterbation// No vascination can cease the sickness of this mental patient// Wit vast statements,Leave dentals vacant, ya hatred is blaytant// U'll never be as nice as me, lifes a bitch on her period aint it// Work on ya syntax, ya punches got mo misses(Mrs) than Mormans// My spits wicked, souls evicted, many bodys left dormant// Bitchez think they off limits cuz they po-lice informant// Push slugs the size of christmas ornaments thru doors of ya corsicas armorment// Yall only down 4 violence when its absolutely warranted//. --youngnut :laugh2: |
the first 3 lines to the first verse put me right off....and some of ya rhyming semed forced..didnt really go...but ya vocab was good...mutlis were ok,,,but didnt really get off.....on the whole average i think......jus keep building on it....pZ...
return plz.... http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=98495 |
Yeah this was ok....structure could use some work though i think...your lines were all different lengths, try keeping them around the same length so it stays good and so it helps the flow out...you had some good multies though...and your vocab was pretty good...but just keep at it.
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this shit was straight, wasnt really feeling it
flow was ight |
yea im workin on the flow, i just need to get a text flow, it does fit when im writin it becuz i know how im goin to say it, but this is text so theres no way for u to hear that, thanx 4 the feedback, anybody who wants feedback give me some ill reply 2 yours
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this was pretty tight in my opinion...ur hook was kinda shit....but the verses were good.....u had some nice vocab, flow, and multis....ur structure was pretty good...i've seen worse.....i think this would make a nice audio...here's the best line out of this...
Quote:
BREAKDOWN Consistency - Very Good Vocab - Excellent Structure - Good Flow - Very Good Multis - Excellent Emotion - Good Metas - Very Good (there were quite a few) Overall - i gotta say this was a pretty good collab u did.....just fix up ur structure and u got this down.....u should also try doing this in audio.... Rating: 8.5/10 peace 4:20 |
fist i thought it was shit then i read it again and i was sure it was shit
i meat to say the shit:) nice vocab good flow structure gay everything else gay peace |
^........, thanx 4 the feedback, can i get some more, and what is structure im new 2 this shit? im thinkin structure is how ya lines go together but not sure.Holla
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