When he gets like this
 

THIS WAS A POEM WROTE BY MY GIRL....
THIS IS "NOT" MY WORK... ITS MY GIRLS....
SHE WROTE IT ABOUT "ME"..." AND THE WAY I AM"...
(I thought this was really good, just read)

When He Gets Like This-
by: Mary Chrislene Pergeson

Quiet and withdrawn
He seperates himself
Not caring who it hurts
He leaves the world behind
And goes into his inner mind
Where he can escape
His friends, his lover, himself

When he gets like this
He doesnt ackknowledge-
the rest of the world

He sits down to write it out (rap songs)
How he's feeling, what he's thinking
His pen, his paper, his eminem (music)
Are all he needs
For his journey from reality
Or rather his journey
To where he puts his reality
Into perspective

Not so much from it
But headfirst into it

He doesnt notice the effect
that his closing off the world has on me

He doesnt realize that
It makes me scared and sad
Or that being scared and sad
Makes me angry

Wishing for him to open up
Wanting for him to trust me
Needing for him to love me
Seem to be the only things
that he cant see that I need

So when he gets like this
I just step back
Take a deep breath
Place my feelings in a shield of steel
and remind myself that he's the man
I will love until I die
And hanging on to what we have
Is the most important thing to me

-Chrislene

Uppin

this shits gettin mad slept on

question: does she write alot?

this was well written, and you can tell it was full of real emotion. she took a situation she lives, probly more then she wants too, and gets it out, just like she says you do. and the funny thing is, thats how i started writing too. I had a bf that too use to scare me when he got into his writing time, and since he couldnt hear my words i wrote them down like he did. She keeps this simple but its message she tells is still strong and sharp. she gives reasons that many can relate to and feel where she is coming from. it was a nicely written piece, and a good read. she should write more if she doesnt already.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

She writes A LOT!!!
thank you for the feed...

this was alright even though i feel you put alot of time into this it still has a little more work to do

noobie opinions... blah


uppin

uppin

that was pretty good. . full of emotion. didnt rhyme, i like it when poems rhyme altho a lot dont. . i dont really know how to rate these things other than saying if i liked them or not. . so i'll just say a 7/10. pretty good.

i feel its to personal for me to critique. when shits this personal its not meant to be judged in my opinion. what do i think of this piece? not my cup of caffinated-goodness... i couldn't get anything out of it or pertain to any aspect.

and maybe you should pay her a little more attention...

It started out real deep. it got a lil less interesting as it went on, but gettin peoples attention isnt the easiest thing to do. its real good considaring the fact that it didnt rhyme. at sumtimes it rhymed tho, that confused me a bit. (was it meant to rhyme or is it just off?) well good stuff,

vocab-8/10
rhymes-4/10
message-8/10
feelings-7/10
metas/similes-5/10
overall-32/50

final thoughts:good poem, great message, but it left me wanting more.

Very emotional. And very very personal. I like it for what it is. A piece dedicated to someone they love. Bringing up all the obstacles and flaws that seem to get in the way. Yet it shall go on...

...resp...

thanks for all the help and feedback yall...
~AshY~

fascinating.....really it is.....your girl has talent.....i say that because she took personal emotions and described them poetically...that is NOT easy no matter what anyone says....on top of that she wrote a beautiful piece that DOSEN'T rhyme....which is even harder.....much props to your girl for her talent.....and props to you for recognizing it

thank you...