SS : 3 Wishes To Save The World
 

Here we are at press conference with the CEO of; shhhh shhhh it's starting
*clears throat* Ladies and gentlemen thanks for coming
There are some pressing issues we should be discussing
It's getting cold outside, but don't worry about the hobos
Remember you're nobody unless u have designer clothes
You know your not complete, we've all felt the emptyness
Fill the void.........with the finest polymers of cotton fabrics
The girls will come and feel your material, u'll be flattered
Sure the masses ears pop, but.....only popularity matters
Profit's a prophet and yea we'll do anything to please her
When your with us you've got in made.........In Indonesia
Mona lisa smile comes with free trial......please believe us
Consult a ditionary...........A and F is even ahead of Jesus
What's that you ask,... 'how do I sleep at night anyway?'
Under my company you call home.................the U.S. of A.
Get It? We own you! so go and empty your wallets quick
...We can be your father, your mother and your therapist
So make sure to keep us in mind this time at Christmas
3 Wishes to save the world...........Abercrombie and Fitch

Replied To:
Deacon - Rapbattles owns you
Skribblez - Untitled
Nuclear concepts - War one man army

upp'n for responses

your graphic concious poetic and edept flow line word usage made this a good read i enjoyed it alot and hope to see more work from you

it was pretty good
hit me up at my post http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99180

lmao at the four word reply
way to not even read it

Okey Doke . .

. . basically, ditch the whole 'Box' format,
cause as i read you seemed to be sacrficing content and flow to make it look good. The content to this wasn't that bad .. i felt you could of taken it further, but you didn't .. like it was missing that extra something to really kick in and get it started. You put a lot of subtle wordplay in this that i doubt either of ^ those guys caught because it dosen't seem like they even read what the fuck they reply to .. but yeah, `made in Indonisa` made me chuckle slightly .. you stuck to the topic well and the content was decent but where it really lacked was the one-word / syllable rhyming at the end of the bars, if you put in more multi's and internal rhyming, your content would improve ten fold, along with the flow you have now. You kept this one short and simple, so there wasnt really a lot for me to go off here, but from whats there - those were the three major standout flaws, lack of internals, multi's and occasionally off flow that was due to you using that box format. All in all it wasn't bad though, you've got the potential there to build on, just need to step it up a little with the milti's and flow and ditch that whole 'box' style. = )


Pz.

oh shit, sum one actually read an open mic before replying!

lol, thanks for the honest feedback cam