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.Default Name.
Times are Oppressed, You can even find sadness in laughter
Martyrs discovered, Because they got shot,they a better rapper? It's all lies, some people don't know how to make it beyond Matrix Or when they do,they tend to die over how fake our world really is Maybe there is truth, Just go beyond all our selfish material wishes Christians,are preaching to others spreading religion like a sickness And As the world turns, we just sit and wonder when will it next stop And I only shoot for the stars, Only to see if the moon will ever drop You are composed of good times by laughing at another's weakness But when you are weakest, your speechless,you curl up, like a fetus I walk the block, an angel there beside me walks on his own ground Trouble arrives, I need my guardian, but I wonder where he ran now It's often to my lifetime to be left hungry with little or no scraps found And so I plan to finish my musical dinner plate little or no scraps found Poetic disillusions become illusioned, at how useless it is to refuse this I opened my eyes and saw Atlantis on watered ground. No longer Clueless I saw what I saw..You saw sights of your own One thing we can agree on... Is the darkness seen..in the mind of a young Poe Finally taking shape..though its useless on its own Imagination runs wild, until your blood runs cold... fuck its length...and fuck you. |
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i liked it good vocab and decent flow although in some spots it fell off.and good sturcture everyline was prettymuch the same length.overall a very good drop...........
vote on this battle.........its beein slept on............. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97818 |
How The fuck do you post a battle link in Open Mic. And heres some Homework...Read My piece and post some real feedback.
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This is an alright pz I feel you on how fake the world is. Christianity is the only hope I have. So your point is clear well illustrated good use of vocab but this line
{It's often to my lifetime to be left hungry with little or no scraps found And so I plan to finish my musical dinner plate little or no scraps found} could have used some more creative rhyme scheme. and the outro was a little weak but I feel where ur comin from pz and luv. |
Jo JO...
ever heard of a person using a bit of wordplay? |
and the good word is:
Well i couldnt quite grasp the topic either than the idea that people these days are sheep and just follow the masses. Your flow was kinda strained because the syllabul count got higher as the piece went further In my opinon you had a few forced rhymes, heres the biggest example i could find It's all lies, some people don't know how to make it beyond Matrix Or when they do,they tend to die over how fake our world really is The flow of the 1st line made the sound of the 2nd no where near the correct pronunciation... Overall, this was not bad...great imagry and descriptions... If you would be so kind me and Speek EZ have a collab called Self Inflicted... please give us your 2 cents id be elated to see beyonce on (one of) my piece(s) |
^Yeah..I was trying to give the second line an equal bar length, so I added the word really to the end. Thats where that mistake is, because I was trying to give it a good structure. My bust a nut.
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the rhyme would have came off better if you rhymed Matrix with a rhyme ending in a hard consonant (spelling?) suck as tricks, kicks, splits... and thank you for feed on my piece
to the top |
^Thanks for the advice. Its been a while since I got actual constructive criticism...this helped me out a bit. Hug?
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