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-   -   just a lil freestyle (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=99314)

CrackaBox187 12-16-03 08:42 PM

just a lil freestyle
 
Yall lil clowns, need to turn round, and don't frown,
when your brains spray paint the ground,
how's my 45 sound,
faggots, get the fuck up of me,
up all night tryin to come back,
why you o.d.in' on coffee,
can't step to my shit, when this clip of hollow tips,
hits your bitch when her lips are on my dick
it's sick the way this man spit's have ya scared senseless,
ripin and slashin havin ya stand skinless,
i stand surrenderless with my head up high in holy splendidness,
kid watch your mouth, before im in your house
with sawed-offs out, infectin you like im the gout,
pourin your brains out

holla at me

2 different ones to bospitta
and 1 to viscocity

Menik 12-16-03 08:51 PM

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

But this was ok...your structure needs a lot of work, dont put it in paragraph form, cause it makes it harder to read for some people and it throws the flow of the piece off...so put it line on top of line and keep your lines around the same length...keep at it.

3rDegree21 12-16-03 08:53 PM

that jawn is vicious/ nice rhymes and vocab...good shit

-uski- 12-16-03 08:57 PM

Yea this wasn't Great...ya structure Need Work Aye Ya Need TO Fix that Up Because I THought this was To Hard to read In Some Points.ya Flow was alright Man....but ya Had Alright Vocab still a bit Simple But Keep Elevaten Man......P.€.a.c.€....

Phoeniix 12-16-03 11:36 PM

yeah i thinkt he most crucial part was your structure. made it a little bit of a difficult read. some good rhymes and multis in there that were pretty cool. u came off real "hard" with this peace. good drop just work on that structure. and maybe a new topic would be nice but i understand when u just dont have miuch to write about u just start flowin on how your so ill. hahaa good drop man nice peice

southsideloco 12-17-03 05:08 PM

yo homie this was a good freestyle...
u had sum good multis n vocab like evry1 else said n u came hard n did your best the only problem was your structure... work on it n put it in bars better

Playjahrizer 12-17-03 05:54 PM

decent drop...structure was off as fuck though, hard to read..aight flow...pretty nice vocab

LoCo 12-17-03 06:04 PM

wasnt feeling it work on structure..

CrackaBox187 12-17-03 11:15 PM

my bad bout the structure ya'll but thanx for tha support yall boy hold 'em down much love and i see someone holdin'em down for Cassidy, that's one of the hardest out right now

.::$izzle::. 12-18-03 12:24 AM

WORK ON STRUCTURE......Other Than That Nice Multis..It Was Simple But Had Nice Vocab.......Nice Freestyle

Nyte Fire 12-18-03 12:28 AM

bein straight up honest....Cracka all your raps structures are shitty...i'd focus on that

riddle_me_this 12-26-03 12:42 AM

nice flow.
iwas feelin it. just hard to read.


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