what am i doing wrong?
 

Dis is my battle against theprophet777, i just want to noe what I am doing wrong, and why I am losing so badly in the poles

Full battle is here.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99337


[T-West picks up the mic]

yo, yo, yo
u aint no prophet, cuz no light shine on ya verse/
even I merked dat faggot named diverse/
nobody noes or care bout wat u spit/
cuz we kno ur mouth like kotex...EVERY SIZE FITS/
u ugly as shit, kinda nigga who dateless at the prom/
Postin fake pictures…on matchmaker.com/
Learn how 2 rap, all we see is blah blah/
U harder 2 understand than dat nigga named ja/
his name is wrong...theprophet777 ???/
more like the worst employee at 7-11/
cuz all u good 4 is servin kandy in slurpies/
U like Apu's twin brother sayin "Enjoy The Beef Jerky"/
Dis man said anyone under 300 posts isnt worthy of a vote/
but u got 300 in under a month...u on RB more than snoop dogg tokes/
dis battle is a joke, now prophet extinct like the t-rex/
cuz uz a worse rapper than OPRAH IN SPANDEX!!!/

[T-west drops the mic and walks away]



Can i jsut have sum suggestions or sumthin, i dun see wats so wrong with my verse and how these voters say he takes every category and how i didnt even put up a fight. I think i had sum witty punches in der.

your punches suck

^ssshhhh....this forum is mean't to help people...!!^

You have a 2-2 record..whats really wrong with that...as far as i can see you have ability to use wordplay...you just need to expand your vocab (not much though)..bars like:

nobody noes or care bout wat u spit/
cuz we kno ur mouth like kotex...EVERY SIZE FITS/..

cuz all u good 4 is servin kandy in slurpies/
U like Apu's twin brother sayin "Enjoy The Beef Jerky"/....

are dope, there not immaculate but there a step in the right direction....just keep at it... you'll improve with practise.

alright...

first, your structure has definatly got to be fixed, cuz it hurtin...
instead of makin your verse look like this...

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make it look like this

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or as close as possible...

dont finish a line with ////
use .... or use comma's... it helps... alot

your lines are ok... but only practice and battling will help that..

Here To Help
 

First Of All,
Your Lines Are Very,Very,Very Short Kiddo,Fix That.You Need To Increase Your Vocab A Little Bit,Cause Judging By That Spit,It Looks Like A 3rd Grader Wrote It.Your Punches Need Major Work Like This,
I Can't Belive I'm Battling A Textcee With Nothing But Whack In His Spits,
Deport Quick,I Hate To Bring Up My Personal Life,But i'm About To Beat This Kid Like He Was My Bitch,
As You Can See Punchlines In A Battle Verse Are All About Punch Lines
Hope You UnderStand,
Multis:
Multis Are Multiple Rhymes Within One Line,Example:
You~Are~Whack~ I~Attack~Back
They Are Usually Seperated With Hyphens(-) Or Dashes(~)
Metties
Metties Are Metaphores This Is Saying The Word "Like" In Your Verse,Or Comparing Your Oppenet To Something Else.
Example
Like A Virgin's Clit,MY RAPS ARE TIGHT//
Nobody Can See Your Punches Like Dark-Skinned Gang Members Throwing SIGNS AT NIGHT/
Wordplay & Vocab Was Already Explained Above In This Post.Practice Makes Perfect(Or Atleast Elavates You)
-One