a little somthin somthin
 

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6266#post996266
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6345#post996345
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6323#post996323

yo this is my first time goin with out writing ne thing down so i dont expect it to be good i just want to see what i can do

yo it dont matta what i choose
when i spit it i kno ur gonna loose

you cant beat me im the king
ill take out what eva rhyme u bring

see this is what i do for a livin
this talent isnt just given

you take too long to say what u got to say
its time for me to serve u my rhyme on ya dinner tray

when i spit it i just keep on goin
my rhymes are flowin like a river u freeze and shiver

when i drop this shit its a nuclear bomb
dont talk shit ur 36 still livin wit ur mom

ne one kno the hiemlich cuz he started to choke
spent all his money to face me, now he's broke


plz tell me what ya think

Well this was ok....your structure could use some work though...try to keep all your lines around the same length so its structured good and dont seperate your bars...also try adding some multies to this to help it out and to make it better also add internals...but just keep elevating and keep at it.

^ yeah what he said... but up your vocab too, and use some better punches and wordplay... you had some nice concepts for the punches, you didnt execute them as well as the couldve been... wordplay helps too... just practice and you'll get better

for a first drop this was ok i suppose, but very basic like the others havesaid..add complexity....jus keep elevatin....pZ..

Don't just rhyme two lines then two lines, do a couple that rhyme then blend those in when your switchin scheme, but other than that i see potential, holdem down

thanks crackbox i think ur the only 1 i understood about how to set it up other peeps tellin me to do it this way so ill work on thanks again
1

hot hot hot thats the shit

I thought it was alright for a freestyle

put ya bars together man and dont just rhyme 2 lines use better flow all that stuff just like what the other people said but i do see potential in you