So thats what happens
 

:confused: Tell me what yall think


Slide back in my chair, passed out with a blare,
light bright to a glare, whats that in my hair,
what's goin on, why i can't wake up,
seein visions of my dawgs, Lost in the dusk,
im stuck, can't move, can't turn to see,
it's black again, i start to not breath,
shakin', lost while my bodys quakin,
quiverin, what the hell is happenin,
i drift back again, get more relaxation,
seein more shit, memories retracin,
facin his enemies, blind to see,
the side of tradgedy, the sign of collapsing,
the 9 is breached, it's pointed at me,
one in the leg, two in the chest, three in the head,
a light with a post, and some gates comes up next,
that's it, am i .......

Reviewed:
Dropz
Viscocity
Word Perfect

this way too basic...novice....simplicity at its full.....add complexity...mutlis n shit...few internals....it really ups the game....also it was really shoret..so ya cant get much feeling in it....worj on it...pZ...elevate..n learn

elevate :)

^ leave a longer reply next time..

But this was ok....you need to work out your stuff...structure needs some work, try keeping lines around the same length so its structured good and so it helps the flow out in your pieces...you need to add some multies and internals to help it out as well....but keep at it.