~Fake Live~first post!
 

We all sinners theres no dabate, misguided thoughts like wordering whats in space, simple examples like discrimanting cuase of shape, or taste or colour, but its too late theres no next generation, just a re-generation of thoughts we been fakin/
You getting the picture? extremests misinterprinting scriptures leaving humanity crusified, countless people living like dead sheep cant be revived, our shepards more like grim reapers leading us to suicide/ (world leaders poloticians)
Every morning we wake up comparing people better or worse off us,
In your intelligence trust, basing ya life upon others will make ya identity combust, certain women discust me wid personas built on lust... trust I aint gay, say? would ya like ya mother livin this way?
Anyways who told you what was good or evil, I talk to religous people our beliefs match wid precision, allthough I never read any bible or koran writtens/
Our minds are supreme, Look at that illusionist david blaine makin ignorant eyes gleem, things are not what they seem and if you believe that shit you must got low self-esteem
humans conditioned to work all there life to make money, when theres enough natural resources so satisfy the earths people/ communism aint over uk government treatin arabs like they illegal, searching mosks for weapons, how bout we rush your cathedral!
Try to be yourself dont watch next man.... ya gotta close ya eyes in order to open them, capitalize on opportunities and try to love what you once dispised, expeirincing different cultures only way this race e'll survive, from bush to osama we all gotta realise inflicting pain on others just aint wise, he who lived half hearted suffered on judgment day when they soul parted/

3 links-word perfect
lastpoet
skiw

UPPIN

still uppin

Real good work, Sun.

I'm quite impressed at your message, vocab, and complexity.

What really sucked dick was your format and flow.

Fix that up, use real lines and bars to create your flow.

It'll help.

I really have nothing else to say about this except, good job.

And, I look forward to reading what else you got.

This is 10 times better than most of the bullshit, "I'm a banger holdin my 9" type rhymes kids seem to want us to buy.

Blah to that.

Kudos to this, 7.75/10

Peace

thanks for the advice, I'll work on that, and thanks for the postive feedback!

..Hmmm...this piece was ill..your structer sucked..but other than that..this was very well written..keep up..^^

yo
ma thred got closed for agreein wiv ovas lolzz
so ill try betta dis time
well uz got quite alot there
there is defop some cpmplexity
bcos it luked liek a news paper article i didnt eel like readin it
but wen i did it was gud
set it out in sme lenggth bars

sun...I closed your new thread because of bad replies, but I don't want to be overly cruel, so I'll leave this one. Just give better replies to other people pieces, and leave links to them.

Your rhyme had a very good concept. You talked about subjects that actually meant something. The main things you need to work on are flow and format.

instead of writing your lines out in paragraph for, try to set them out like this.

line1............................................. .......
line2............................................. .......
line3............................................. .......
line4............................................. .......

it makes it an easier read, and you can see the connections and the rhyming. As for flow, try to have the same amount of syllables in all your bars, and the flow will be perfect.

Your content was fairly good, and more people will read it if it is neatly put together.

And give better replies! LoL