alright...

first, your structure has definatly got to be fixed, cuz it hurtin...
instead of makin your verse look like this...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


make it look like this

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
or as close as possible...

dont finish a line with ////
use .... or use comma's... it helps... alot

your lines are ok... but only practice and battling will help that..