first of all, you upped this thread one minute after you upped it the first time. second of all, I saw a few of your replies, and they really sucked. In the future, leave links to your replies, or the thread gets closed.
Now, onto your rhyme. You really need to elevate. I mean, half of the words didn't rhyme, you didn't really insult him in any original way, and your wordplay was poorly formatted. Most of your insults either said "you're gay" or "You're a woman", neither of which are very insulting. Your flow was totally off. Try to even out your lines, that way the flow will usually follow. Another way to do it is to have the same number of syllables in each line.
And if you want to be mega cool, write about something that is good to read, cause noone gives a fuck about your petty beef.
