sun...I closed your new thread because of bad replies, but I don't want to be overly cruel, so I'll leave this one. Just give better replies to other people pieces, and leave links to them.

Your rhyme had a very good concept. You talked about subjects that actually meant something. The main things you need to work on are flow and format.

instead of writing your lines out in paragraph for, try to set them out like this.

line1............................................. .......
line2............................................. .......
line3............................................. .......
line4............................................. .......

it makes it an easier read, and you can see the connections and the rhyming. As for flow, try to have the same amount of syllables in all your bars, and the flow will be perfect.

Your content was fairly good, and more people will read it if it is neatly put together.

And give better replies! LoL

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