Yeah post up your links.....

But this needs a lot of work. Your opening line off the back doesn't hold relevance.

"I deal wit typical bitches, giving me thirty-five stitches/"
^^What the fuck are you saying about 35 stitches? Why 35? They beat the shit out of you that badly.

Thru out the entire piece, you jumped from talking about "Typical bitches" to bragging about yourself.

The rhyming was forced, and you just seemed to have put down anything to make it rhyme.

Work on:
Rhyming
Metaphors
Allusions
Vocabulary
Flow
Rhythm
Structure
Topics