lol, hmmm, i really like how u stuck on topic in this verse. That was nice, i notice in a lot of songs like this, many people tend to drift away from their main focus, but u maintained it.

I would suggest maybe adding a few more complex words in there or a witty punch or sumthin. Then it becomes original and creative, and it's always nice to see sumthing new, jut try to add sum creative elements to it.

Overall...im feeling it, I have a thing for these songs about gurls, just make it more creative and it'll b ill.