Ok, my honest opinion is that...by your piece, i can not capture the true image of what you are trying to say. See, for this type of song, I think it works best if you actually feel what you are saying, then you can truly capture the essence of what you are saying. I know I dont make very much sense, but maybe...you should try to write about a topic that you actually live like. If your a rich kid that lives in malibu or a born n raised hustler growin up in Brownsville, NY...you gotta spit about urself...be urself, and it will show in your work...because you will then truly capture the lifestyle you are trying to portray.

Not a bad piece tho...
6/10