To me, structure does not matter too much. It all accounts to the way words flow that matters. I had no problems there. Also your use of vocabulary painted a vivid picture and unlike alot of pieces in poetic scriptures and in Open Mic(where I venture more often) You didn't overuse the vocabulary and it seemed to make sense. This was a nice piece, nice to read, beautiful execution to portray emotions, just an overall good poetic drop.

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