I was feeling this piece man... work on your Grammar and your stucture... A couple of mispelled words as well... but all in all it was really good. With the proper structure I think you have the makings of a really food storyteller... And in Rap that's so very important.... in fact, there are people on RB that I have seen who would love to be able to paint a picture the way you did.

Keep up the good work.
Good Structure = Pleasant Reading (important to remember)

Just My Two Cents - Elevation Is Constant For The Strong!