I liked this piece, one of your better ones to date. The flow was flawless, I can see this bein a dope audio in the future. The topic wasn't exactly original, but the way you told the story made it original. Vocab was nice, I never had to dig through the dictionary, every word I had heard before. Which is good, extreme vocab loses my interest because I'm not sure whats happening. The story itself was confusing, I wasn't sure what went on with the first verse. One line was talking about a guy in a thong beating you up, that kind of hurt this piece only because I was so confused. I liked the second verse the most, it was more calm and readable than the first. In the middle I kind of got lost again but quickly caught on to it. I suggest being more specific next time. Later on in that verse you had something about tombstones in an easter basket. It was a funny line, and was nice wordplay. . but I think that line also took away from this piece. The hook was good, and quite catchy, the last line there was nice as well. 3rd verse started off bad for me. It started off like an Eminem song and then you mentioned being locked up with your Dad in a cell. . that didn't make much sense to me. In prison or jail they don't allow people they know are accustomed to one another in the same cell, let alone your own father. That just made it seem a bit unreal, then you asked the question about when are you gonna die or something, I wasn't too sure about that. When you got into the part where you left jail for school it got interesting. The story was funny and well written, but the ending came too sudden for me. It just made no sense. Hit in the head by some kid with a racquet makes no sense, especially cramming the ending in one line. Like I said, you should have been more specific, especially here.
Overall piece was nice, just work on being more specific, but you told a fine story and I read the novel so it has to be good.
Check this out man. .
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...highlight=aisle