1
At first i thought..it would turn out to be cliché..
Im glad, readin on..proved me wrong.
A nice setup n warm up of things yet to come..

2
One day I asked my mom.. when am I going to die?
She said when gods ready, so I asked if he was as ready as I
This is the type of writing that makes me enthusiastic & eager to read on.
Great set up of the words, it makes an certain impact you can't define with the basic catagories..meta's,wordplay etc..
This impact requires a mind..different then others..yet for others able to relate to.
So what happened? I stranged my mom with the telephone wire n’ started laughin
I love death so much, I got a tombstone in my easter basket
Not really great writing here.. but in adds to the overall storyline.
Readin' towards the end, i was really expectin' a deep finish..
Unfortunately i did not feel it had one.. though the last bar, intrigued me somehow..
Gave a friend a sledge hammer, so he could gong my knee
So many attempts n’ I aint dead.. what the hell is wrong with me?
Kinda in the context of..'another failure'..

3
The jail lines didnt come off right at first & made me rack my brain to understand the messenge beneath it.
When i saw your explanation, it all fell into place.
There are alot of potential quotables in this third verse.
But they all somehow, someway played a big part in the storyline, regardless the writing.

Chorus
Its actually better then some kids verse finisher on here..
I like it, short but strong..while clearly passin' on a message.
Shows skill.

Overall
I do at points felt you pushed yourself to write this, as if you wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, which created the lines Fiori mentioned.. As in not really meaning anything.
I could quote a few parts.
Still as i read this i felt i did not totally understood your primal essence, the messenge you want to display with this.
So it made me think harder & i like that.
The chorus went with this piece perfectly & complimented the storyline, even added some extra drama.
This piece is emtionally charged with depressed energy put in words by someone who clearly posesses some extreme, good writing skills.
I enjoyed this alot. I'll keep my own on you..