Okay..

This piece had nice structure, but structure doesn't mean shit unless it flows, this did flow however due to the good use of multis, i didn't see very many internals though, that could use a bit of work, but the multis carried the flow very nicely, the vocab was adaquette for a piece like this, I saw a bit of alliteration, I think alliteration is very underestimated in rhyming, it does help the flow, and make it sick, There wasn't no wordplay at all, just one or two metaphors that didn't really come off to hard, you really need to work on that if your going to write self expressional pieces, Because otherwise it gets boring for the reader, the other option is to do topical, which is harder but you can amaze yourself how muhc depth you can go into, eg story or description pieces are good, But other than that the content was okay. Overall this had a good flow that is near perfect, but the content was lacking some..

Pz bro. (theres a real reply for you, since half the cats dont' know what their talking about)