Thread: Resemblance
View Single Post
Old 01-01-04, 01:49 PM   #3
filed
Sharp Perfection.
 
filed's Avatar
 
Posts: 450
From: HELL!!....and yet you think im jokin
IP:

woah that was a long read. but it wasnt a bad write. things that could be fixed some: your intro: i found that the intro well wasnt a good start for this piece, didnt make me want to read it at all. your rhyme scheme was simple, and at times seemed forced.

Your message and thoughts were seen clearly. and you did a pretty good job putting them in words, ,try to up your vocab thou some. detail was good too, thou it can almost always get better, for this piece i'd say the more detail the better, for some pieces are best just left simple, but not this one. your outro was alright, other then the fact that the rhyming at near the end seemed too forced.

~Tera~
DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~
keep singing in heaven
Send a message via AIM to filed Send a message via MSN to filed Send a message via Yahoo to filed   Reply With Quote