I'm going to have to agree with nexxt....Nephew J I was reading but I was not following it had a very basic contents(ingredients/lines...) structure was off, most lines did'nt rhyme, no offense but it was kindergarten rap.
LM yours wasn't to much above his but overall your structure was better. I feel if you would have rearrange some lines and re-worded some parts it would have been nice. I felt just the last line in the closer.

My vote goes to LM-but practice is prescribed for both