Hm...*applauds*

Amazing. Absolutely amazing. This is quite a talented peice you've written. The whole story telling thing the way you did is difficult in most cases, as it never ends up the way one wants. Now, this was a great peice, but there are two things I'd change.

One is the way you wrote it. I think instead of paragraphs, it should be seperated into proper bars.

And the other thing I'd change is to extend the ending. I mean, you build up the moment rather well, but that whole cutting wrist thing is so overplayed that, like the word slut, loses it's meaning. I mean, I've cut myself plenty of times, but it don't mean shit.

What you should do is extend it and give veiw to what goes on inside her head as she goes through the motions of cutting. You could end it with things getting progressivly worse, or you can somehow give it a happy ending. But either way, don't just end it with her slitting her wrists. Wrist slitting says nothing, which sucks because you were able to say so much about this character before hand, that your ending simply doesn't fit with the rest of the peice.

And on a final note, I know girls in real life like this Lizzie character. So woah... amazing, huh?

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.