ayo, this battle could be a lil' better, wit' punches & flow, but it was umm, aight, overall.

Net- uhh, I mean "Street" Thug:
yo, everybody watch while i rip this bitch like toilet paper//
only sex u get is payin a prostitute to let you rape her//
^aight opener: 5/10

after this battle you still gonna be spittin your bars//
coz i'm gonna make you smoke this weapon like a cigare//
^which weapon was that, thug?: 4/10

he fuck the local priest, so we hear his name, an no he rings bells//
he stayin in a sea front hotel, so he can tell niggaz, he got shells//
^decent punch: 6/10

this wack fucker reads my verse and wants to be like me//
so he snaps up a pic of ME to put as HIS passport I.D//
^umm, ok, y'all twinz? 4/10

fuck boy, i think im winning, coz my verse hit like a bar of steel//
you can ask me for a rematch, but u'll still be spinnin like the g-unit wheel//
^and you're a G-unit soldier, right? hmm...aight close: 5/10

Telekinetic:

Alot of shits gona be said so I think I should clear it
If raps you life your dead an after this your a spirit
^ehh, this opener didn't work for me: 4/10

Set back for just minute and watch me put on a clinic
From a lyrical menace you must salute the lieutenant
^"Put on a clinic?" -ok: 4/10

Gimmy your attenit-on son I drop bombs from A to Z
Now you met the boss an by now you lost from A to B
^this bar was just filler: 4/10

See, when rhymin im the doc well you can call me D.O.C.
You owe me forty bucks for the lesson check or C.O.D.?
^too much like oldschool Dre, man: 3/10

Its immanent you lose I bruise infernal fowl immigrants
On this mic Im droppin shit like internal bowel stimulants
^this was your only punch, the rest was just dissin'. Punches win battlez:4/10

Breakdown:
Open: Street
Close: Street
Personals: None
Flow: Tele
Metas: Street
Multis: None
Creativity: ehh

Vote: Street

Keep elevatin, and put more metaphors and punches/snaps in ya verse -shit to grab attention and make a mu' fucka say "damn!"