hmm, to be honest i didnt like the poem. the reason being that its too simple. the rhymes werent that good and sum seemed forced. the message was alright but i find it overplayed(which is not nessecarilly a bad thing, since i do like repition). the vocab was also too simple, you should up ure vocab, use a thesaurus, anything thatll help. i can see signs of u becoming better cause u do got emotion and it seems that u are willing to become better. so overall

vocab:too simple

rhymes:simple and not very steady

structure:weak, but im not gonna be a judge of structure couse everyone writes in their own way.

message:good overall but overused

emotion:even tho the poem isnt that good itself i can still feel alot of emotion.

final thoughts:it was alright, but not very good. i can see signs of u gettin better so keep it up till u do.

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