Have to agree with the above reply..
Sorry to say I didnt get very far into it either.
You are missing entire words and shortening others. Not to mention the incorrections. All this means the reader has to interpret every line they read.. which means there is no flow as the reader is continuously stopping to 'make sense' of what they are reading..
I understand you are new to writing, so take the advice offered because I do think you can open your emotions.. you just have to do it so people can read it. Use this peice as a first draft, and work on it... fix the grammatical errors, use proper words... I swear there is nothing worse than seeing net ebonics in poetry.
My english Prof. would have a heart attack reading this.

And for petes sake, hit the capslock key.

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