i could hear what ya were saying...but the was you exuecute it could have been improved...the scheme ya using was too basic and the way you ryhmes with the same word a few times didnt help... i would find an original topic or less played... work on using myltis n wrdplay ot bring it along....also the flow.. the use of syllables needs worked on....but on the whole for a fist drop by the looks of ya posts, it was ok....pZ....

return the favour....