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Old 01-09-04, 10:03 AM   #6
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
From: N.E.England
IP:

i'll give it a breakdown my last reply was shit....

I stole a desert eagle, swiped it from the Mojavi...
Didn't care that it was illegal, breaking laws was my hobby.
^nice bar, but didnt really rhyme too good,, i prefer a goos solid opener

To completely understand me, you'd have to split personalities...
But still adhere to honor, cuz all of mine have principalities.
^nice line, wordplay... but the transition could be smoother

My own world's code, I don't follow the traditional ones...
And carry a heavy load, it's like that for only sons.
^didnt merge, too abrupt, but nice meaning
wordplay good.. nuthin wrong with this bar.. maybe bit simple

See saw, is how it's been, ups and downs cuz of various weights...
But constantly busy, forever occupied, cuz I've always got a full plate.
^nice no faults, good rhyme n play

So don't hate, Born to Kill, cuz my age is in a higher bracket...
Just know that as things go, I coulda easily worn a straight jacket.
^nice syllable use...went well... flow and wordplay,, carried nicely from the last...

But didn't, rebounded nicely everytime and now here I stand...
Or sit, what's the difference, either way I've proved I'm a man.
^good flow, the transition could have been better , instead of using the same word... but finished it off nicely...

all in all good verse... spot could be improved... but thats the same with any ones drop....good work...pZ
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