My man... I owe you this because youv looked at my pieces. This was a nice approach on the topic (even throug i did it already..lol) The flow was good, but the rhyme scheme was still rather simple. Get some internal rhyming, and if you expand your vocab just a few notches you should definetly see the potentian your writing has. Like i said i did a piece with this same topic. I think it was named "the last mile" or "the extra mile"

ill get you a link

good job kid

*edit*
link

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87393