Maven’s-
I’ve never given Maven criticism really, or not that I can remember. There are probably two reasons for this, one being I don’t usually do it to anyone (be it me being an asshole, lazy, lack of input, take your pick), the other reason being it’s not often he needs help. I mean, the dude came onto RB and impressed me, never dick rode me, but gave a certain amount of respect to me. I truly wish he would do more audio’s, and I wish I would stop being lazy and collaborate with you (even though it will only be text for now, you know, my computer and all).
When I first read: “using her suductive powers she kissed me 'hello'
and the candle lit dinner was prepared well-oh,” – I was somewhat not so impressed by the “well-oh” part, I just don’t usually like the idea of the continueing of a line after the “stop” of a line. Then I imagined it actually being sung (or rapped if you prefer) and it worked. I understood how he said it. So…errr back to no criticism, haha.
But good job man. Your verse was done very well. Very realistic, the fact that just reading your verse didn’t give away that he actually was good. It gave you a sense of “this could happen to you”. I know I could never do that, that goes against one of the only things I believe in, but in other situations (none sexual) I have been overwhelmed by the moment and taken things to far.

“didn't plan to get laid, only planned for sentiment” – That was beautiful.

Edicius-

I think this part “& sweet understanding” would have sounded better if it was worded differently, maybe like “sweet & understanding”. It just makes it flow a bit better.
Try not to use “&” so much, same goes for the word itself. It makes some of the lines sound somewhat awkward, like this line;
“why , but he forced me to shut up & that i shud hush & dont cry,”
- It would have sounded better (I think) if it was just “why, but he forced me to shut up and hush, don’t cry”. Just my thoughts though.
Since you live in Holland, English isn’t as straight forward as it is to me. Just little things like this;
“, ..while I putted te warm water on, i felt so empty & so much space
of emptyness fillin me up, unlikely to the water that was fillin up the tub..”
It only should have been “put”, not “putted”. And the “so much” wasn’t needed really. It makes it sound awkward. And the “unlikely to the” part, it should be “unlike the” instead of “likely” and “to”. That filling up on emptiness like the tub thing was really good, I liked it.
There’s also a couple other parts, I’ll tell you more on MSN about it.
Over all, great work man. Taking the role of a woman and all, that’s hard, yet you did it quite well. Good work, truly.

“& soon for me to find out that this sunshine on the phone,is just a dark cloud..”
”i feld like a dolphin on shore, i felt dirty, felt pain & like a whore..” – Awesome, those two lines were great.
(p.s. back to that “proper English” thing, it should have been “felt” not “feld”)