This piece was cool...the flow is straight i read this to beat and
it flowed just fine...your internal are very subtle...which isn't good
or bad it't just rather different...one thing you should work on is
the standard metaphors people use...strive for metaphors within
metaphors<<not sure if you will get that, but you will soon enough
the ending was nice, and was not abrupt like most pieces here are
good drop...keep at it, one thing i didnt feel was emotion though
i don't know why just didn't...when you can make people feel the
emotion that is when you know you have reached a level of
precise thought....

good job