I was ready to start bashing this piece for using a played idea... but when i read it, that wasnt possible... you had a decent use of multis, but your vocabulary and flow were very good... i liked the way you used real truth (facts, statistics) to convey the story... excellent job... the only thing you need to improve on is your multi-syllabic rhyming... you need to incorporate some of it into your pieces, but otherwise top stuff.... 8/10