hmm...
I find it odd writing in the third person because the piece comes out seeming oddly detached. I could see the emotion in this, and the desperation, almost, but it seemed oddly...set aside? I dunno
the pattern element of the the music of their love was really really dope. It carried the piece along perfectly, and made you keep reading. I think you could have elaborated more on what made the music grow old though.
Also, I know you said the techincal aspects of the piece were worse, because you weren't focusing on them, but some of it was just careless. Rhymes clearly forced and such. But then, I didn't notice them on first read, so maybe they don't matter.
it's nice to see something more emotional from you
good piece chritizzle
caress my buffdoo
